Athlete of the Month--April 2009

Last night I could not sleep. I tossed and turned, wondering who would be elected as the She League Athelete of the month. I was a bit distraught because for the most part, other than a few stories from Andrew Bynum this had been a pretty quiet month on the She League front. Then comes this. On the final day of the month, on the eve of your return, Alex Rodriguez does it again. I thought I had heard it all, from A-Roid (see February 2009), to Gay-Rod (see March 2009). If my spelling is correct, this story reports that his teammates in New York referred to him as Bitch Tits? As bad as I feel for the guy, that's pretty funny.

A Friendly Note from Sharon Davis

Dear Fans,
Having recently had some time to reflect I wanted drop you all a quick note.
There’s an age old Chinese proverb which says:
“Words are just words and without heart they have no meaning.”
Today, I’d like to use this space to speak to you from my heart.
First off, I want to say how much our entire organization appreciates the way our fans stuck with us through what was a very difficult season. We can spend time referring to all the injuries, but as far as you’re all concerned, there can be no easy excuse for the tough year we had. I want you to know that we truly appreciate all of your support and thank you for hangin with us.
Secondly, I want to make sure you know that EVERYONE at the Clippers is committed to doing whatever is necessary to make sure that you don’t have to deal with another year like the one that just ended. I’m dedicating myself to that goal, and I know my teammates will do the same.
There are probably those who will read this and toss it off as just words, but I can only write these words with hope that the feeling and sentiment is conveyed.
Whether you believe us or not, please know that we’re all going to work hard to improve everyday and be a far better team than we showed this past season.
Stick with us, and trust it’ll be worth it.

Sincerely,
Sharon Davis

What Happened to the NBA Drug Policy???

Apparently, the NBA has decided to eliminate its drug policy. Clearly, Ron-Ron has been hanging out with Michael Phelps. According to Ron, Brandon Roy is the best player that he's played against other than some dude from Queens when he was 15. For sake of argument, let's have a look at 5 players that Ron Artest has played this season who might not be better than Roy but are surely better than that dude from Queens.

• Kevin Durant--In three games vs. Ron Artest this season, he's managed to average a measly 27.3 ppg 6.0 rpg, and 3.7 apg.
• LeBum James--In two games he posted averages of 24 ppg 5.0 rpg, and 2.5 apg. These numbers won't blow you out of the water but I'm pretty sure the guy from Queens couldn't do it.
• Ronnie Brewer (The dude for Utah with the big ass ears, yeah him)--While Ron probably does not have a clue who this guy is, he averaged 20.5 ppg 5.0 rpg, and 3.0 apg in four games against Ron.
• Kobe (so good we don't need his last name)--I know you probably don't want us to go here Ron, but come on dude, we all watched him destroy you to the point where your teammates begged you to stop talking to him. Here are his averages for your reference, 28.3 ppg 4.0 rpg, and 5.0 apg.
• Dwayne Wade--26 ppg 3.5 rpg, and 6.5 apg in two games.

Now Ron, I'm not going to make the statement that these guys are better than Brandon Roy, because as we've seen a few times this season, he's pretty damn good. I just have two questions, what the hell have you been smoking, and where the hell is this guy from Queens? Hugs not drugs Ron.

Foul Him!!!!

It would be really hard to convince me that a closed fist to someones mouth is considered making a play on the ball. A very smart move by Rondo, however because we've all seen how tough Brad Miller can be.

Drew vs. Oden--Epic Playoff Debuts

As the NBA Playoffs roll on, it's time we take a look at what we once thought was the future of the NBA. Greg Oden and Andrew Bynum. The two much ballyhooed centers have been compared to the next Bill Russell and Kareem. Granted the Greg Oden-Bill Russell comparisons were based more off of looks, bottom line, the comparisons have been made. I'm not going to lie, we here at the She-League have been quite impressed by the gaudy stats these two have been putting up in their respective playoff debuts.

A quick look at the stats:

Greg Oden Portland Trailblazers 5 Games--5.4 ppg 4.0 rpg 4.6 fpg 16 mpg

Andrew Bynum Los Angeles Lakers 5 Games--5.0 ppg 3.0 rpg 3.2 fpg 15.4 mpg

In the words of Ron Burgundy, "I'm not even mad, this is amazing."

We'll start with you Greg. You were the top pick in the 2007 draft. You are a 42 year old rookie, and all you can give me is 5 points? You average more fouls than rebounds...is that even possible? Wow. I wish I had some advice to lend you. Actually I do, take you weak ass back to the injured reserve because you stink.

Now on to you, Drew. We warned you a couple weeks ago that we'd be watching you. To the surprise of many, you returned for the last 5 games of the regular season, averaging 17ppg. Very good Drew. On to the playoffs, you decided to lay an egg on the Utah Jazz with your whopping 5ppg and 3rpg. You were so bad, you went from starting center to garbage minutes in 2 games. I would feel bad for you but you obviously don't care too much yourself. You're too busy eating fillet mignon with Rihanna...

2009 NBA Playoff Preview--Western Conference

#1. Los Angeles Lakers (65-17) vs. #8 Utah Jazz (48-34)

Coming off of a stellar season, the Lakers have one thing on their mind, an NBA title. In their way stands a soft as toilet paper team in the Utah Jazz. The Jazz have been banged up for most of the season. Interestingly, the team seemed to get worse as the roster came to full strength. While it is interesting, it is not surprising seeing that their key components are three future she-leaguers in Carlos Boozer, Mehmet Okur and Andrei Kirilenko (the guy who cried during the 2007 playoffs because his coach pulled him. You're not alone Big Baby Davis). Meanwhile, the Lakers have been rounding into shape as the season came to a close. Andrew Bynum got word of the She League and returned to play the final four games averaging a quiet 17.3ppg 5.5rpg and 4.3 fouls per game in 26mpg. Apparently carrying playboy bunnies is a quality rehab activity after all. Phil Jackson has finally come to his senses and realized that Jordan Farmar is a bum, deciding to supplant a She-League favorite in Shannon Brown who will provide quality defensive minutes against Deron Williams. While Jerry Sloan will not allow his team to be run over, the Lakers' length and depth will ultimately send the Jazz home early. She League Prediction: Lakers win series 4-1.

#4. Portland Trailblazers (54-28) vs. #5 Houston Rockets (53-29)

In their first season of relevance, the youthful Portland Trailblazers have surprised many teams. The roster is solid from top to bottom, however their success starts and ends with their star, Brandon Roy. For the season, Roy has averaged 22.6ppg 5.1apg and 4.7rpg. He has elevated his team to new heights with his heart and toughness. He is joined by a 6'11 jumpshooter in LaMarcus Aldridge. Aldridge's game is built for the regular season and will prove to be useless in the playoffs (just ask Jermain O'neal). On the other side, the Houston Rockets season was thought to be derailed after She-Mac went down with a season ending knee injury. However, as they quickly found out, they are a much better team without the 6'8 She-Leaguer best known for shooting 30-foot fade-aways. The team has metamorphosed itself into a gritty team led by the enigmatic Ron Artest. Ron-Ron has changed the defensive culture of this team by consistently guarding the oppositions best player. His only problem is he clearly doesn't speak Chinese and thus doesn't hear and/or understand Yao Ming when he calls for the ball in the low post. Had Houston not handed the starting point guard position to Aaron Brooks, they'd be poised to make a more serious playoff run. These two teams are pretty evenly matched with the edge going to Portland at the point guard position. She-Mac or no She-Mac, the Rockets still can't get out of the first round. She-League Prediction: Blazers win series 4-3.