Top 5 Ron Artest Stories (Excluding "The Brawl")

The summer of 2009 has been met with many unexpected transgressions, one of which is certain to get much coverage with the She League. Ron Artest is now a Laker. The defending champs have signed Mr. Detroit Malice at the Palace. I don't know what to expect, but what I've learned in the past two weeks, is to simply expect the unexpected. To commemorate this signing, it's only fitting that we review 5 of Ron-Ron's finest moments.

5. Ron walks into Kobe Bryant's shower after Game 6 loss of 2008 Finals.--We all knew he was crazy, but damn. According to coach Phil Jackson, Kobe was showering, by himself when in walks Ron Artest telling him he wants to be a Laker.

4. Ron requests time off during the season to promote his rap album.--Why would he need time off? With skills like his, one would think, the art would sell itself.

3. Ron misses team bus and rides with owner in his underwear.

2. Ron records a tribute song to the late great Michael Jackson.--Notable lyrics include, "I know you're in heaven, I hope to see you next year".

1. Ron applies for a job at Circuit City so that he can get an employee discount.

Get ready Laker fans, I feel like this list will keep growing.

**BREAKING NEWS** QUEEN JAMES INDUCTED INTO SHE LEAGUE

In the spirit of Michael Vick and NFL commissioner Roger Goddell, we are pleased to announce that LeBum "Queen" James has been conditionally instated into the She League. This announcement is met with both joy and sorrow. The joy rests in the fact that she is now in a place where she belongs. A place where she can call home. A place, fit for a Queen. The sorrow comes from the fact that, quite frankly, it shouldn't have taken this long. Queen James has been exhibiting She League behavior for the past two years. Maybe it was the slam dunks, maybe it was the funny "Over and Under" commercial. Maybe we were blinded by the baby powder she throws up before every game. Bottom line, we completely missed this one. Until now, that is. This summer we all Witnessed the biggest cover up since 9/11. Here's the story, I was watching the 2009 playoffs and in Game 1 of the Cavs-Magic series, I know for a fact I saw Courtney Lee dunk on you pretty bad. I know it happened. I saw it. Mysteriously, however, TNT did not show the replay. I was fine with that, because I was sure I'd see it when I watched SportsCenter that night, I'd see it there. But, they didn't show it either. A bit odd, but life goes on. Fast forward to Game 3, Courtney Lee dunks on you again. Once again, no replay, no SportCenter highlight. The whole, time I'm thinking, damn, shows what the NBA thinks of Courtney Lee. Poor kid can't even get a highlight. How naive of me to underestimate the power of the Queen. Then comes the summer camp scandal. All of a sudden it started adding up. The Queen has been secretly controlling the media. You see prior to this June, LeBum could do no wrong. You couldn't even think to speak ill of him. In last years playoffs, Brendan Haywood went on record calling you a crybaby. Was it a coincidence that he missed the entire 2008-2009 season? I don't know. All I know is she's been puppeting us around like those stupid Nike commercials, but I'm here to tell you, LeBum, the gig is up. We're on to you. But don't worry, you'll be fine here in the She League. We won't make you shake hands or do interviews. Your conditional induction into the She League is contingent on you not calling Nike and having our website shut down. Needless to say, your margin for error is extremely limited. I urge you to take full advantage of the resources available to support you and to dedicate yourself to rebuilding your life and your career. If you do this, the She League will support you.